Posted on May 7, 2019
By Nan Russell
I was haunted by the regret I’d feel if I didn’t at least try to see my mother. And so, with trepidation and fear of what that deepening pain might become, we left for California. The last few times I’d visited, she didn’t know me, mistaking me for her sister or not seeming to find a connection at all. While my brain understood, my heart didn’t.
It hasn’t always been like that, of course. Currently, my mother lives in a skilled nursing facility in northern California near my brother and his family. The impact of two strokes enhanced by growing dementia rendered her, at 97, fragile, quiet, and distant.
I knew the odds of reaching her were slim, but my soul ached to tell her, once again, how much I loved her before that opportunity was gone. That was the state of my heart when my brother, husband, and I entered the familiar place where mom has lived the last few years.
At first, I didn’t recognize the frail woman slumped in a wheel chair in the hallway as my mother. She was smaller and more “out of it” than I’d seen her; her head down, focus fixed. My brother, (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things, Life |
Tagged: dementia, gift of love, grace, growing old, In the Scheme of Things, love, mother daughter, Mother's Day, mothers, Nan Russell, Nan Schindler Russell, nurture, regret, seeing you |
Posted on February 11, 2019
By Nan Russell
In this month of hearts and proclamations of love, something that happened a decade ago, captured like a digital photo with its image held in my memory until called up, was triggered for me by an observation on a recent wintry weekend.
While waiting for our lunch order to arrive, I noticed a mother and teen daughter, seated at an adjacent table, attempting a conversation. The daughter started to tell her mother about school, but with each holding a cell phone and responding to incoming sounds and vibrations, the conversation was frequently paused. Eventually their attempt at conversing stopped, replaced with phone immersion by both as they quietly ate their salads
That brief encounter triggered a memory I didn’t know was stored, about me and my mother at our breakfast table. At the time, we were living in Montana and my mother, then in her late 80s, spent summers with us. Like a movie trailer, the memory offered a glimpse of me cajoling, enticing, encouraging, and coaxing her to take her pills so I could get to my “real work.” Lyrics from a Stephen Stills song, performed by Crosby, Stills, and Nash, “love the one you’re with,” played with a different take in my mind from the song’s intended theme.
The snapshot is clear that I wasn’t particularly engaged, nor loving. I was annoyed at (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things, It's Not About Time, Life |
Tagged: being with people, connections, In the Scheme of Things, life, love, memories, Nan Russell, perspective, showing up, time, what matters |
Posted on December 14, 2018
By Nan Russell
Before Halloween I listed a holiday pin in my online vintage jewelry shop. It’s a whimsical moose on rollerblades, clearly hurrying while balancing a stack of red and green wrapped presents. Maybe he’s trying to beat-the-rush, move at the speed-of-sales, or make it to Christmas dinner on time. When I found and posted it, it made me smile. I took it as a comic nudge against the commercialization of the season and our robotic appetite for stuff-buying.
But unless we’re under eight, we know Christmas isn’t about the presents. It isn’t about a few magical weeks of a season, or one specific calendar date, either. While Christmas has different meanings for different people, both religious and secular, it brings for many enhanced connection and outreach to family, friends, and community.
The Christmas message is a message of love; a way of being. I aspire to the Charles Dickens sentiment to “honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year.” The way I see it, we do that through our actions, which is why I’m worried about losing Christmas. We seem to be short on love right now. Shopping-frenzies, Black Friday and Cyber Monday bargains aren’t stealing the real meaning of Christmas. No, we’re losing that all by ourselves.
We’re losing the Christmas message of love when neighbors stop speaking to neighbors based on political differences; when houses of worship become murderous targets of hate; when fear replaces compassion for those seeking a better life; and when pipe-bombs threaten to permanently silence those who disagree. We’re losing it when toxic language and incivility replace dialogue and understanding; when school yard taunts fill the halls of Congress and are echoed on playgrounds; when lies replace truth; when our planet’s health is compromised for business gains; and when we don’t see each other and our differences as a strength.
Still most of us aren’t like that. We don’t do those things. And yet, if (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things, Life |
Tagged: Christmas love, Christmas prayer, In the Scheme of Things, losing Christmas, love, love in heart, Nan Russell, Nan Schindler Russell, people of goodwill, we need us all |
Posted on July 5, 2018
By Nan Russell
I felt the malice immediately, arriving without warning via my website, with no return email. Her poisoned-laced words were intended to sting, and they did, although perhaps not in the way she intended. Mostly my heart ached with sadness for her long held pain.
At the bottom of the message was the name of an old friend I’d lost contact with years before. Her message accused me of betraying her trust decades ago. But despite the venom released at me, there was no mention or explanation of what it was that I did in my twenties that caused her to reach that conclusion, or why she held onto her anger all these years. All I knew was someone I still cared about saw me responsible for something that upset her.
The message haunted me, not because of what it said, but because I never knew I hurt her. I never knew there was festering pain attributed to my words or actions. Certainly, there are people I know I’ve hurt, but this was different. Am I accountable when someone feels slighted or wounded by something I did or said, or didn’t do or didn’t say, and I never knew it? How we perceive another’s actions, motives or intentions is subject to our interpretation.
I’m reminded of how inaccurate my own assumptions have been. I remember feeling (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things |
Tagged: anger, busy, everyday occurrences, first assumption, In the Scheme of Things, love, Nan Russell, presumption of innocence, relationships, talk to each other |
Posted on December 18, 2017
By Beth Pelkofsky
Gifts of time and love are the best during this time of year. Wishing you a bright 2018!
From our homes to your homes — Happy Holidays!
Posted in: Life |
Tagged: bright, family, holidays, love, time |
Posted on August 9, 2017
By Nan Russell
A misty rain persisted while I wandered, nearly alone, on the grounds surrounding Blarney Castle, in County Cork, Ireland. Not far 
away was a tower remnant where the famous Blarney Stone is kissed by 400,000 visitors a year. My husband opted for stone-kissing; I was drawn to the gardens surrounding it.
It was The Poison Garden near the ruined castle walls that peaked my curiosity. A welcome sign stated the garden’s purpose was to educate visitors about the positive and negative aspects of poisonous plants; those “found both in the wild and in our own gardens.”
That morning, I learned that just a handful of people die each year from eating a poisonous plant in its natural state, but millions die from products made from those plants. The sign explained: “The plants aren’t ‘bad.’ We make them harmful by the ways in which we use them.”
Now weeks later, that statement’s lingering truth has been on my mind as (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things |
Tagged: Blarney Castle, Blarney Stone, bright our light to the world, goodness, goodwill, In the Scheme of Things, Ireland, love, Nan Russell, poison, poison garden, word-gardens |
Posted on July 18, 2016
By Beth Pelkofsky
I’m a colleague of Nan’s. And, I often post on Current Musings about work, life and the intersection of the two. Like many people the past few weeks seem full of unanswerable questions, confusion and sadness. In my search for some perspective, I typed – kindness – into google. Here are several of my findings:
According to Merriam Webster, kindness is defined as having or showing a gentle nature and a desire to help others.
A refrain in a popular song, Hands by Jewel – “In the end only kindness matters, In the end only kindness matters.”
And, several insights from experts and thought leaders:
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” – Plato
“No matter how hard the past, (continue reading →)
Posted in: Life |
Tagged: battle, Beth Pelkofsky, Doing, great things, hope, human heart, ideal, Kindness, love, walls |
Posted on June 8, 2016
By Nan Russell
I was born in Whitefish, Montana, leaving without choice at age three when my father couldn’t find work after the Hungry Horse Dam Project finished. But my grandparents remained and Montana stayed part of my life.
My grandfather was a mechanic on the red busses in Glacier National Park and I have great memories as a child hiking its trails, boating on Flathead Lake, and go-carting at my Uncle Ole’s wheat farm in the eastern part of the state.
As long as I can remember, Montana has been part of my life. Even as an adult, living in Pennsylvania with my husband and son, we’d plan most summers around a trip to Glacier. Eventually, Glacier became my extended family’s gathering spot for reunions every few years. So much so (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things |
Tagged: dreams, dreams change, family, love, Montana, moving, Nan Russell |
Posted on February 17, 2016
By Beth Pelkofsky
I’m a colleague of Nan’s. I regularly post here about work, life and sometimes the blending of the two.
On average Americans work 47 hours a week. Yet, according to a recent Gallup Poll – only 32% of workers are engaged at work. Plus, to some work is an unpleasant four-letter word. We spend more than a third of our day where we aren’t engaged. So, what to do about it?
I went looking for ideas and inspiration. Here’s what I discovered from a few successful entrepreneurs and respected thinkers – the biggest index for success is – find something you believe in and love to do.
“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing you will be successful.” – Albert Schweitzer
“Really getting to do what you love to do everyday–that’s really the ultimate luxury. And particularly when you get to do it with terrific people around you.” – Warren Buffet 
“You have to really love and believe in what you’re doing. I think that’s the most important thing. If you start to build something … it’s hard and you encounter a lot of challenges. If you don’t completely love and believe in what you’re doing, it actually ends up being the rational thing for you to stop doing it or succumb to some of the challenges, because there will be huge challenges that you face …” – Mark Zuckerberg
“Believe in your instincts, and (continue reading →)
Posted in: Tips, Today's Workplace |
Tagged: beliefs, believe, challenges, engaged, entrepeneurs, happiness, love, respected thinkers, success, trust, work |
Posted on December 6, 2015
By Nan Russell
With Christmas still two months away, my youngest granddaughter, a first-grader, was helping me 
decide which products to promote on my online vintage jewelry shop. Her third grade sister, sitting next to me at their kitchen table in Colorado, was focused on mapping states on a new app I’d added for her on my phone.
When the youngest spied a Santa pin, she asked if she could “star” it so that it was featured at the top of my Etsy.com shop (Twinkling Star Vintage). From there, her talk that Saturday turned to Christmas and Santa Claus.
I was carefully parsing my words on the topic of Santa. I knew her sister no longer believed in flying reindeer and a red-coated sleigh driver, having discovered the myth by accident the previous Christmas. But, I didn’t know whether she’d shared that knowledge with her little sister.
Then it happened. She gave me (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things |
Tagged: better world, Christmas, Christmas magic, concept of Santa, holiday season, In the Scheme of Things, love, Nan Russell, Santa, tolerance |
I was haunted by the regret I’d feel if I didn’t at least try to see my mother. And so, with trepidation and fear of what that deepening pain might become, we left for California. The last few times I’d visited, she didn’t know me, mistaking me for her sister or not seeming to find a connection at all. While my brain understood, my heart didn’t.
