Posted on September 13, 2018
By Nan Russell
Her name is Mallory. At least it is for now. She’s the amateur sleuth in my new cozy mystery — or technically I should say my first cozy mystery. While I’ve written non-fiction books on leadership, trust, and self-development topics, and hope to write more, I’ve started a few mysteries over the years but never finished them.
Mallory’s story might just be read by me. Who knows? But, I’m at a point that to acknowledge her presence in my life is a step in learning more about her and her voice. These days, becoming a mystery writer is something I’m actively involved in doing. The operative word here is becoming.
I think of it like my oldest granddaughter becoming more educated. Her “Continuation Ceremony” in June marked a move from elementary school to middle school. I’m doing my own continuation of sorts, comprised of studying, practicing, learning, and evolving new skills to include fiction writing, specifically mysteries. As author T. Harv Eker put it, “You will live into your story.” While I’ve been learning the craft of fiction writing for a couple years now, at the beginning of this year I decided (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things, Life |
Tagged: always becoming, becoming, becoming you, being or becoming, cozy mystery writing, evolving, first act, growing, In the Scheme of Things, learning, Nan Russell, Nan Schindler Russell, second act, third act, writer, writing |
Posted on August 8, 2018
By Nan Russell
Last week, I ordered an item from the world’s largest retailer. While it arrived quickly, its contents were not as expected. The plastic that held the toe protectors was taped, the items stretched, and the gel-lined fabric dirty. How did such a used product get resold as new?
I expect occasional quality issues when I buy online at an auction or estate site for my vintage shops, but not from the world’s biggest retailer. My expectation is people who work for that organization are engaged enough to notice dirty toe protectors and empowered enough to decide they can’t be resold. I also expect it’s an outlier and won’t happen again.
But expectations are funny things. They’re beliefs about what should happen, how it should happen, or that it will or won’t happen. We all have them about everything from food and movies to places and people. We’re influenced by what we expect to find. If we think online retailers sell junk, we won’t be disappointed if that’s what we get. Expect terrible bosses, difficult spouses, or untrustworthy people and you’ll find them; expect engaged, compassionate, and wonderful people and you’ll find them.
Some believe if you don’t expect anything, you won’t be disappointed. Others say (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things |
Tagged: beliefs, doing it, dreams, engagement, expectations, future, In the Scheme of Things, let your life speak, limiting beliefs, make a difference, Nan Russell |
Posted on July 5, 2018
By Nan Russell
I felt the malice immediately, arriving without warning via my website, with no return email. Her poisoned-laced words were intended to sting, and they did, although perhaps not in the way she intended. Mostly my heart ached with sadness for her long held pain.
At the bottom of the message was the name of an old friend I’d lost contact with years before. Her message accused me of betraying her trust decades ago. But despite the venom released at me, there was no mention or explanation of what it was that I did in my twenties that caused her to reach that conclusion, or why she held onto her anger all these years. All I knew was someone I still cared about saw me responsible for something that upset her.
The message haunted me, not because of what it said, but because I never knew I hurt her. I never knew there was festering pain attributed to my words or actions. Certainly, there are people I know I’ve hurt, but this was different. Am I accountable when someone feels slighted or wounded by something I did or said, or didn’t do or didn’t say, and I never knew it? How we perceive another’s actions, motives or intentions is subject to our interpretation.
I’m reminded of how inaccurate my own assumptions have been. I remember feeling (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things |
Tagged: anger, busy, everyday occurrences, first assumption, In the Scheme of Things, love, Nan Russell, presumption of innocence, relationships, talk to each other |
Posted on May 4, 2018
By Nan Russell
My husband gave me a card at the beginning of 2018 that’s been standing on my dresser ever since. I see its message when I wake up or wander into the bedroom. There’s a picture of an early sunrise on a distant horizon, its light spreading across an ocean with no land in sight. A figure on the deck of a sailboat watches the emerging colors in the sky.
Across the card, in large elegant font, are these words — simplistic on one level; profound on another — “Every day is a gift.” The card serves as a reminder and a nudge to me: a reminder of no promised tomorrows for any of us, and a nudge to consciously use well the time I have.
I do want to live that way. Most mornings I read the words, deciding that, yes, every day is a gift and my best use of this day should reflect that gratitude and understanding. Yet, more often than I’d like, that’s not what happens.
I’m guilty of losing perspective or numbing out to the preciousness of these non-renewable days, until something tragic, or frightening, or significant happens to shake me awake for a time. I’m guilty of routinely applying habits for getting things done, or getting caught up in the “doing,” without self-awareness about what I’m doing or who I’m “becoming” or “being” in the process. And I’m guilty of (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things, Life |
Tagged: a day is a gift, being alive, dance to life's music, future, In the Scheme of Things, life, Nan Russell, stop saving for special occasions, sunrise |
Posted on April 10, 2018
By Nan Russell
I’m not sure when it started, but for me it was the early 1990s. I was living and working on the east coast and remember the day I saw it invade my everyday world; even telling my husband that night. Today it’s a ubiquitous style.
Back then, common etiquette meant pausing before speaking to insure the other person was finished. On that day I watched a hostile verbal-take-over as the person wanting the floor simply talked over the other person until he yielded. They weren’t debating a heated topic; he merely wanted to change the focus.
Like many cultural changes, verbal-take-overs arrived in dribs and drabs until we adjusted to them. In a few years, the no-pause speaking overlay style frequented everything from meetings and basic conversations to news channels and talk shows. I even perfected my own style which became a necessity in some workplaces. Time was short and verbal-take-overs signaled “move along,” albeit with rudeness.
Another no-pause style took root around the same time. I noticed it first on my regular commute as drivers made a no-pause choice more and more frequently at stop signs, crosswalks, and red lights. Now I see another no-pause emerging. This week at a museum exhibit, a young woman wanted to see what I was looking at but couldn’t wait the 20 seconds for me to finish reading the sign, so she (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things |
Tagged: important issues, In the Scheme of Things, losing the pause, move along, Nan Russell, operate with a pause, talking over |
Posted on March 12, 2018
By Nan Russell
In my local paper there’s a column of reader comments. People leave input, “no more than 30 seconds” on a call-in line. Each day a few of these short statements comprise the section. While occasionally there’s a thank you for a random act of kindness or a plea to include grateful messages, most are in the against-it camp, even suggesting, at times, those who disagree should “move to another planet.”
Like a toxic vine, being against-it, whatever “it” is, seems to be burrowing deep into our cultural mindset, modeled with fervor of late in the political arena. What one party is for, the other is against. Even before an idea makes it to twitter or the blogosphere, opposing party pundits and representatives rail against whatever approach the other side might be considering.
But before finger-pointing and smugness gets the better of us, consider that the against-it road is alive in most workplaces, communities, organizations, schools, and homes. The labels are different: it’s the boss or the staff, the parents or the teachers, the rich or the not-rich, the corporations or the “real” people, the women or the men, the baby-boomers or the millennials.
Being against something is so much easier; even easier still when all you have to do is retweet or “like” a post. No thinking required. When we follow the against-it path, we don’t have to be (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things, Life |
Tagged: conflict, finger pointing, for or against, In the Scheme of Things, like or dislike, Nan Russell, retweet, soul courage, stand up for something, what you value |
Posted on February 14, 2018
By Nan Russell
When we arrived, I found three familiar bent heads focused on the remaining pieces spread around the not-yet-finished jigsaw puzzle on the coffee table. In time, those pieces evolved into a whimsical cat picture, the process of which absorbed a variety of extended family members, from 8 to mid 70s, over a snowy holiday weekend. Various family came to linger in the living room, trying their hand at puzzle creation; searching for a likely piece, placing it in their imagined spot, and then returning it to the table once their attempt failed.
We’ve all seen or been engrossed by such endeavors. But this one caught my attention. It hindered a quick finish with its limited color differentiations, causing drop outs unwilling to invest more time without clear progress. After all, there were other family engagement options during our days together, from “Just Dance” video game challenges to pie making.
By our second day, two puzzle-players remained. Determined to finish, they rarely moved from their homesteaded-spots on the couch and adjacent chair. By evening, the puzzle was as done as it would ever be — complete but not completed. With one piece missing, technically, the picture would never be “finished.”
I’ve thought about that weekend several times since, with its intensity of effort, missing piece frustration, and then acceptance of the puzzle’s imperfection. Lost. Missing. Never received? Who knows why the piece wasn’t there. It didn’t matter; it was still fun.
But the experience got me thinking. We all have a missing piece or two at times in ourselves or in our lives; pieces like (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things, It's Not About Time, Life |
Tagged: In the Scheme of Things, love the journey, missing from our life, missing piece, Nan Russell, play without all the pieces, puzzle |
Posted on January 5, 2018
By Nan Russell
New Year new you articles, ads, and promotions are ubiquitous, pushing everything from gym memberships and healthy meal-kit delivery, to accountability coaches and meditation apps. They attempt to nudge us to climb aboard the reset, start new, or try-again bandwagons. There’s money to make when 92-percent of us don’t achieve our resolutions each year.
But, this time I’m not climbing aboard. I’m not interested in short bursts that fade, only to be resurrected again next year from guilt, despair, or should-dos, rather than genuine self-awareness and conscious choice.
Granted, I’m not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions anyway. I believe incremental progress over time is a better approach to sustainable results. Even so, I’ve made dozens of resolutions through the years, sprinkled with good intentions and magical thinking, hoping this time it’ll be different — that I’ll lose the weight, conquer bad habits, or achieve that dreamed about goal. Some years I’ve made it into the 8-percent who achieved their resolutions group, but most years I haven’t.
I don’t want a mulligan on last year’s missed accomplishments, a do-over to try to hit missed goals, or a renewed desire to cross something of a life-to-do-list. After all, doing the same thing yields, more likely than not, the same results. I want (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things, Life |
Tagged: change, In the Scheme of Things, Nan Russell, never enough time, New Year New You, resolutions, shifting time, time as life's currency, time choice |
Posted on December 6, 2017
By Nan Russell
That year, Christmas was just another task on my to-do list. No magical feelings of the season took hold; no yuletide cheer; no gleeful joy; no warmth of goodwill; no sense of spirit. It was just more stuff to do. But, it was that Christmas that changed my thinking.
Come back with me a few decades. Somewhere between moving from California to Pennsylvania, starting a new job, buying a house, and juggling childcare logistics in a state where we knew no one, I was neck-deep in life-overload as Christmas approached.
But, I was determined to make it a special one for our family of three since it was our first Christmas away from our families. I used sleep-time to write personalized cards heralding our address change, decorated the house before work, insisted on baking cookies at night, and agonized over the perfect gifts to be bought, wrapped, and mailed to California relatives. As the day approached, my exhaustion took hold, but my festive enthusiasm didn’t.
I was convinced it would all be worthwhile watching our son’s delight opening presents. My husband tried to calm my growing to-do list with common sense which I chose to overlook. I went overboard decorating a house still void of furniture and hunting endlessly for the season’s must-have toys for our only child. Instead of a handful of gifts he had dozens. I visualized how thrilled he’d be with each, convincing myself it was only his delight I sought.
Christmas morning arrived and delight from him was not what I got. Instead of a joyful day (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things, Life |
Tagged: Christmas, gift of time, give the gift of time, how we spend our time, In the Scheme of Things, It's Not About Time, Nan S. Russell, stress at Christmas, the holidays |
Posted on November 13, 2017
By Nan Russell
“We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health, our circumstances. We must try. I didn’t always know this and am happy I lived long enough to find it out.” ~ Roger Ebert
Some people collect coins or books, kaleidoscopes or post cards. While I can add my name to tangible collections through the years, what I really collect is quotations that speak to me, like the one above. As if a treasure unearthed, when I find a quotation that nudges me, inspires me, or touches my soul, I savor it.
I added this one to my collection after the 2013 death of Pulitzer Prize winner and acclaimed film critic Roger Ebert, whose cancer battle left him unable to speak for the last few years of his life.
While reading about his life, I found his words humbling. They were written by Ebert after more than a decade with debilitating and disfiguring health issues. I’m grateful to have found Ebert’s words. Every time I read them, they encourage me to try a bit harder, to be less self-absorbed, and to contribute more joy.
It’s not hard to contribute a bit of joy every day — acknowledging others’ contributions, holding the door, smiling at a stranger, being there for family or friends, helping a neighbor, listening without judgment, or telling someone how much we care.
Still, we often don’t. We get caught in our swirl of life — our own busyness and dramas and troubles — absorbed in (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things, Life |
Tagged: a bit of joy, better world, In the Scheme of Things, joyful, kind, more joy, Nan Russell, Nan S. Russell, Roger Ebert, show up, thanksgiving, tolerant |
Her name is Mallory. At least it is for now. She’s the amateur sleuth in my new cozy mystery — or technically I should say my first cozy mystery. While I’ve written non-fiction books on leadership, trust, and self-development topics, and hope to write more, I’ve started a few mysteries over the years but never finished them.
