Nan S. Russell
Author & Speaker
[ If you’re interested in a particular theme or topic I write about,
quickly find it in the blog by subject archives.]

I was haunted by the regret I’d feel if I didn’t at least try to see my mother. And so, with trepidation and fear of what that deepening pain might become, we left for California. The last few times I’d visited, she didn’t know me, mistaking me for her sister or not seeming to find a connection at all. While my brain understood, my heart didn’t.

It hasn’t always been like that, of course. Currently, my mother lives in a skilled nursing facility in northern California near my brother and his family. The impact of two strokes enhanced by growing dementia rendered her, at 97, fragile, quiet, and distant.

I knew the odds of reaching her were slim, but my soul ached to tell her, once again, how much I loved her before that opportunity was gone. That was the state of my heart when my brother, husband, and I entered the familiar place where mom has lived the last few years.

At first, I didn’t recognize the frail woman slumped in a wheel chair in the hallway as my mother. She was smaller and more “out of it” than I’d seen her; her head down, focus fixed. My brother, (continue reading →)

In the Scheme of Things, Life 

“People find life entirely too time-consuming.” This aphorism from 20th century poet, Stanislaw J. Lec, captures how many of us feel at times. There’s too much to do and too little time to do it. But for me, spring offers an antidote. It reminds me it’s time to pause and notice that winter is gone and life’s natural rebirth has arrived. I’m drawn to spring’s beauty as trees and plants renew with bright, vivid green growth, and flowers venture toward the sun.

But in all of life’s busyness, this yearly reminder to notice what’s happening around me isn’t enough. So, it’s with that perspective that I share a piece from my journal written 16 years ago. Finding it recently nudged me about the importance of everyday noticing; I hope it nudges you, too.

[On the shores of Loch Ewe in Inverewe Gardens, located in the Highlands of Scotland, I’m sitting in bright sunlight listening to water softly lick the grassy slopes. Across the loch, there are mountains, and sheep, and a post card village with tiny white houses. It’s an image of a simpler life where nature’s sights, sounds, colors, and smells comprise a world quite different from the one I’m used to. Vibrant impressions weave together as I write. I look again, a bit closer, seeing now the heather covered hills peppered with ruined stone walls. A sharp chord sounds in my brain as I note these markings of hardships and struggles. (continue reading →)

In the Scheme of Things, Life 

“I don’t know,” a young acquaintance mused. “I’m thinking about grad school, but it’s more work than I thought to prepare for the GREs. Then, if I do all that and don’t get into the program I want, it’s a waste of time. Plus, did you know it could cost more than $40,000 to get a masters degree? I don’t want that kind of debt, plus I’ll likely never make it up in a starting salary.”

By the end of answering my question about his post gap-year plans, this young man described several options he was pondering for his future. Woven into the threads of indecision and idealism were limiting beliefs:. It’s “too hard.” It’ll take “too long.” It costs “too much.” He had yet to discover who he was doing the work for.

He’s right. Getting the work you want, creating your future, developing your skills can be hard, take time, and cost money. But it isn’t a generational issue; it’s a life-potential issue. No matter our age, we can hold similar self-limiting beliefs.

When we think we work for other people instead of working for ourselves, we’re less likely to (continue reading →)

Winning at Working 

Some of us started 2019 with a fresh-start mindset. We made New Year’s resolutions with well-intentioned, often passionate, decisions to change or improve something in ourselves or our lives. At this point, 25% of us are still working on our New Year goals, and by year’s end, only 8% will achieve what they set out to accomplish with their resolutions.

I won’t be one of them. I gave up New Year’s resolutions a decade or two ago, not because I don’t want to improve or change, but because I’ve learned making my goals, dreams, and aspirations happen isn’t a once-a-year thing. For me, a fresh start can be any time of year. There’s power in that.

You can start anew toward life dreams, aspirational goals, unsolved problems, or relationship building anytime. The reality is we don’t need a new year to regroup, start fresh, or begin again. We can ignite these resolutions and aspirations any day we choose.

It was Walt Disney who influenced my life early on in that regard. Maybe because when I was (continue reading →)

Hitting Your Stride, In the Scheme of Things, Life 

In this month of hearts and proclamations of love, something that happened a decade ago, captured like a digital photo with its image held in my memory until called up, was triggered for me by an observation on a recent wintry weekend.

While waiting for our lunch order to arrive, I noticed a mother and teen daughter, seated at an adjacent table, attempting a conversation. The daughter started to tell her mother about school, but with each holding a cell phone and responding to incoming sounds and vibrations, the conversation was frequently paused. Eventually their attempt at conversing stopped, replaced with phone immersion by both as they quietly ate their salads

That brief encounter triggered a memory I didn’t know was stored, about me and my mother at our breakfast table. At the time, we were living in Montana and my mother, then in her late 80s, spent summers with us. Like a movie trailer, the memory offered a glimpse of me cajoling, enticing, encouraging, and coaxing her to take her pills so I could get to my “real work.” Lyrics from a Stephen Stills song, performed by Crosby, Stills, and Nash, “love the one you’re with,” played with a different take in my mind from the song’s intended theme.

The snapshot is clear that I wasn’t particularly engaged, nor loving. I was annoyed at (continue reading →)

In the Scheme of Things, It's Not About Time, Life 

I laughed when I read about a Dutch entrepreneur attempting to legally change his age in order to enhance his career and dating opportunities. He reasoned his current age of 69 didn’t correctly represent his “emotional state.” Instead, an age of 49 would better reflect who he was, he said.

With this being my birthday month, his antic got me thinking that he does have a point. How old we think and feel ourselves isn’t always aligned with how long ago we were born. In fact, research confirms there’s truth to the axiom: “You’re only as old as you feel.” A recent study found that subjective age, the age we feel we are, can affect how we age. It notes that “those who feel younger than their age actually do show fewer signs of brain aging.”

Ever since my mid-40s I’ve felt at least 20 years younger than my chronological age. While I know I’m long past living in the “land of the young,” as author Chip Conley calls it, I also know I don’t relate to the AARP market or desire to live in an over 55 community.

As I add another year to this life’s journey, I’m thoughtful about the word “old.” I know “old” people half my age. In every generation — Matures, Boomers, GenXers, and Millennials, you’ll find old people: old thinking, old acting, old being. Old isn’t a certain age, and getting older isn’t a choice we’re given, but whether we get old or older, often is.

My yardstick is simple: I’m just getting older if (continue reading →)

In the Scheme of Things, Life 

Before Halloween I listed a holiday pin in my online vintage jewelry shop. It’s a whimsical moose on rollerblades, clearly hurrying while balancing a stack of red and green wrapped presents. Maybe he’s trying to beat-the-rush, move at the speed-of-sales, or make it to Christmas dinner on time. When I found and posted it, it made me smile. I took it as a comic nudge against the commercialization of the season and our robotic appetite for stuff-buying.

But unless we’re under eight, we know Christmas isn’t about the presents. It isn’t about a few magical weeks of a season, or one specific calendar date, either. While Christmas has different meanings for different people, both religious and secular, it brings for many enhanced connection and outreach to family, friends, and community.

The Christmas message is a message of love; a way of being. I aspire to the Charles Dickens sentiment to “honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year.” The way I see it, we do that through our actions, which is why I’m worried about losing Christmas. We seem to be short on love right now. Shopping-frenzies, Black Friday and Cyber Monday bargains aren’t stealing the real meaning of Christmas. No, we’re losing that all by ourselves.

We’re losing the Christmas message of love when neighbors stop speaking to neighbors based on political differences; when houses of worship become murderous targets of hate; when fear replaces compassion for those seeking a better life; and when pipe-bombs threaten to permanently silence those who disagree. We’re losing it when toxic language and incivility replace dialogue and understanding; when school yard taunts fill the halls of Congress and are echoed on playgrounds; when lies replace truth; when our planet’s health is compromised for business gains; and when we don’t see each other and our differences as a strength.

Still most of us aren’t like that. We don’t do those things. And yet, if (continue reading →)

In the Scheme of Things, Life 

While basement cleaning isn’t on my fun-to-do-during-time-off list, growing necessity prevailed during a recent staycation. Space was needed to expand the photo studio for my Etsy vintage shops, but too many boxes of stuff moved too many times, were in the way.

It was during that stuff elimination project I discovered old gratitude journals in a worn box. Every day for years I’d logged five or more things I was grateful for that day.  Skimming the pages in dozens of abundance journals, my gratitude statements kindled warm memories of occurrences, kindnesses, and people.

But they sparked something else, too. The last time I saw the journals, I chose not to part with them. Perhaps I thought someday family or friends would read how grateful I was about each of them. But now, I was struck with how silly it seemed to hope they’d find my words. This time, the journals ended up in the recycle bin.

I believed then that gratitude was an inner feeling, a heartfelt expression of appreciation, love, and thankfulness. And it is. It enables us to see the blessings we have, and the positive elements in our life. It’s the kind of gratitude we hold inside with love and thanksgiving and it makes us feel good on several levels.

There’s a second kind of gratitude, the external kind, that’s nice to get and give, too. I first felt its power (continue reading →)

In the Scheme of Things, Life 

When young children misbehave, parents, teachers, and caregivers frequently insist on a time-out. Think how much better your workplace would be if you initiated the same approach. No, it’s not for your boss or coworkers, it’s for you.

It’s hard to be amenable to reason or hear a contrary point of view when we’re stubbornly clinging to our position. It’s hard to hear a new idea when the change that’s being suggested will negatively impact us. And it’s hard to offer constructive input when we’re approaching the edge of unreasonableness, backed into a corner or seething with frustration.

When you feel like you’re teetering on the edge or spinning toward unproductive emotions, initiate a time-out. You don’t have to call it that, but take a walk around the building, shut your office door, get a cup of coffee, or suggest the group get back together later to continue the discussion.

People who are winning at working use this approach regularly. They (continue reading →)

Winning at Working 

Being a citizen comes with responsibility; voting is one. Voting provides an opportunity to influence the expectations you have for this country. Below are some of mine. 

Life, Quotes