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Posted on September 29, 2019
By Nan Russell
Seated at the table next to me at a fast food restaurant, I couldn’t help hearing the lack of conversation between a young woman and a younger uniformed man, clearly employees of the establishment. “You need to take pride in your work,” she told him. There was no response.
“I told you last week, to start taking more pride in your work, but I don’t see any improvement,” she stated. This one way conversation went down hill from there. He kept glancing at her with a confused look as she repeated her unvaried message. Finally, the high school employee muttered something under his breath about “trying harder” and the conversation ended.
I understand his confusion. What does it mean to “take pride in your work?” What does “pride” behavior look like? How will he know if he’s taken enough pride to satisfy his shift leader? Since pride is not an action, the input she gave wasn’t something he could apply to improve his performance.
I expect their conversations won’t get any better as respective frustrations grow. Yet, conversations like these are typical in many workplace relationships. A team leader or supervisor tries to provide feedback or coach a staff member toward better performance. She thinks she’s providing direction, when in fact, she’s offering what a former boss of mine used to call “round” words. They’re pumped up and nice sounding, but they don’t communicate much.
Let’s say you inform your child that he needs to “study more” after a disappointing report card. You’re thinking “more” means an hour a day and he’s thinking another ten minutes. Even if you settle on the time allotment, “more” is one of those round words. It doesn’t (continue reading →)
Posted in: Winning at Working |
Tagged: behavior, coaching, helpful feedback, Nan Russell, performance, round words, seeable actions, success, what does it look like, Winning at Working, workplace, WorkStuff |
Posted on September 24, 2019
By Nan Russell
“That’s my dream,” I overheard her telling a friend in the dressing room next to mine. “But it will never happen,” she added quietly, “I might as well forget it.” But she hadn’t given up. Not yet anyway. An unmistakable sliver of hope was embedded in the word, “might.”
The substance of her dream didn’t matter. What caught my heart was the ache in her voice. That overheard conversation happened more than a decade ago. At the time, her words reflected my own dream-struggle, barely held together with a frayed emotional tether being weakened by each rejection. I was seriously considering giving up my life-dream of being a writer.
My growing fear about that happening nudged my persistence, as a long forgotten line from the movie Flashdance, echoed my biggest worry that: “When you give up your dream, you die.” It was around that time, my husband gave me a plaque that sits on the bookcase in front of me. It reads “Dream Really Big” in bright colors. He knew, like I did, that something in my soul would die if I gave up on my life-dream.
I didn’t give up, and a few months later I got the opportunity to write for a regional magazine. Two years later, I (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things, Life |
Tagged: aspirations, dream big, dream progress, dreams, dreams matter, In the Scheme of Things, inspiration, life dreams, Nan S. Russell, passion, pursuit of your dream |
Posted on August 14, 2019
By Nan Russell
When we lived on the East Coast a few decades back, we saw the musical, Wicked, on Broadway. So recently, when the traveling show came west, we were excited to share it with our granddaughters and their parents. As the closing duet, “For Good,” started, so did my tears. The words, “because I knew you, I’ve been changed for the better; changed for good,” got me thinking in this, our anniversary month, about our marriage and my life.
The tangible results of us falling in love includes two girls, ages nine and twelve, who call us Nana and GrDad and delight our lives. Plus their father, whose creative zest and loving ways make us proud, and an amazing daughter-in-law who completes our family with authentic warmth and grace. All four, by their very existence, nudge me toward my better side.
But the intangible impact of falling in love with this man who shares my life is profound. I am a better person because I know him; love him; learn from him. I am more tolerant, loving, curious, adventuresome, joyful, and optimistic because sharing a life with him has enabled me to become a better me.
Don’t misunderstand. I’m not claiming some magical happily-ever-after fairy tale experience. I don’t profess a marriage without mistakes, scars, or life-happens-shifts that challenged, pushed, and (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things, Life |
Tagged: better person, contribution to my life, for good, In the Scheme of Things, knowing you, life, love and marriage, marriage, Nan Russell, relationships, wedding anniversary |
Posted on July 15, 2019
By Nan Russell
I begged my parents for dance lessons. Sometimes when I walked with my mother the five blocks to the neighborhood grocery, I’d catch glimpses of dancers in the upstairs studio across the street. On other days, I’d watch as leotard-clad girls, not much older than me, emerged from the doorway stairs to the sidewalk. At six, I longed be one of them.
But, it was not to be. I didn’t understand back then my parents were in what today might be called a “rough patch.” We’d moved from Montana to a warmer climate for my brother’s health, only to have a house fire consume most of what we owned. Medical bills and Dad’s slow job search meant no money for “wants” at a time when we didn’t even own a car.
At eight, I still asked for dance lessons. My mother found a freestyle class at the Y and signed me up. We rode the bus together to two classes before I quit, telling Mom (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things, Life |
Tagged: be able to, become, dance, desires, have to, In the Scheme of Things, It's Not About Time, learn, Nan Russell, Nan S. Russell, need, soul music, want |
Posted on June 14, 2019
By Nan Russell
I once had a boss who informed me there was no such thing as company politics. At the time, I decided that depended on whether you were the person wielding power or influenced by it.
I’d categorize self-serving antics, sabotaging behaviors, information hoarding, and artful manipulation under the heading of organizational politics. I’d throw in veiled threats, perpetuated mistruths, finger-pointing, and coercion. There’s a long list of behaviors I’ve personally experienced or witnessed in the workplace under the politics label. And I’m sure you can add more.
These negative work cultures are fraught with fear and distrust. Fear you’ll step on a career grenade, lose your job, be labeled a trouble-maker, or relegated to a non-promotable category. Fear you’ll say the wrong thing, fall into project quicksand, find no support, or be kept out of the loop. These soul-depleting cultures trample self-esteem, negate initiative, encourage survival behavior, and diminish motivation.
But I learned in 20 plus years in management something else about company politics. It doesn’t (continue reading →)
Posted in: The Titleless Leader, Trust Inc, Winning at Working |
Tagged: company politics, culture at work, intention, motive, Nan Russell, Nan S. Russell, organizational politics, politics at work, trust, Winning at Working, WorkStuff |
Posted on June 6, 2019
By Nan Russell
Ours wasn’t a big house, but at night my bedroom at the end of the hall seemed a great distance. Plus the windowed door at the foot of my bed, leading to our back yard, appeared as a magical portal for nighttime monster entry. When I was old enough to know there weren’t monsters waiting in my room, I still anguished over the walk to that dark place.
Even into my teens I longed to ask mom or dad or my older brother to walk me to my room and check for monsters. But by then I understood I was responsible to handle them. Lighting the bedroom was step one. That involved a rapid move to the end of the hall, then a quick reach around the door jamb to turn on the light switch. The light transformed my room into one where stuffed animals rested on a pink bedspread, and purple butterflies graced the walls.
I don’t remember when my bedroom monster-hunting ended, but I do know I’ve been battling various monsters most years since. Not the ones who lurk in closets or under beds, but those that impact (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things, Life |
Tagged: aging, beliefs, critic, don't believe everything you think, getting older, gray hair, In the Scheme of Things, mind monsters, Nan Russell, Nan S. Russell, self perception, self worth, shadow thoughts, taming monsters |
Posted on May 7, 2019
By Nan Russell
I was haunted by the regret I’d feel if I didn’t at least try to see my mother. And so, with trepidation and fear of what that deepening pain might become, we left for California. The last few times I’d visited, she didn’t know me, mistaking me for her sister or not seeming to find a connection at all. While my brain understood, my heart didn’t.
It hasn’t always been like that, of course. Currently, my mother lives in a skilled nursing facility in northern California near my brother and his family. The impact of two strokes enhanced by growing dementia rendered her, at 97, fragile, quiet, and distant.
I knew the odds of reaching her were slim, but my soul ached to tell her, once again, how much I loved her before that opportunity was gone. That was the state of my heart when my brother, husband, and I entered the familiar place where mom has lived the last few years.
At first, I didn’t recognize the frail woman slumped in a wheel chair in the hallway as my mother. She was smaller and more “out of it” than I’d seen her; her head down, focus fixed. My brother, (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things, Life |
Tagged: dementia, gift of love, grace, growing old, In the Scheme of Things, love, mother daughter, Mother's Day, mothers, Nan Russell, Nan Schindler Russell, nurture, regret, seeing you |
Posted on April 23, 2019
By Nan Russell
“People find life entirely too time-consuming.” This aphorism from 20th century poet, Stanislaw J. Lec, captures how many of us feel at times. There’s too much to do and too little time to do it. But for me, spring offers an antidote. It reminds me it’s time to pause and notice that winter is gone and life’s natural rebirth has arrived. I’m drawn to spring’s beauty as trees and plants renew with bright, vivid green growth, and flowers venture toward the sun.
But in all of life’s busyness, this yearly reminder to notice what’s happening around me isn’t enough. So, it’s with that perspective that I share a piece from my journal written 16 years ago. Finding it recently nudged me about the importance of everyday noticing; I hope it nudges you, too.
[On the shores of Loch Ewe in Inverewe Gardens, located in the Highlands of Scotland, I’m sitting in bright sunlight listening to water softly lick the grassy slopes. Across the loch, there are mountains, and sheep, and a post card village with tiny white houses. It’s an image of a simpler life where nature’s sights, sounds, colors, and smells comprise a world quite different from the one I’m used to. Vibrant impressions weave together as I write. I look again, a bit closer, seeing now the heather covered hills peppered with ruined stone walls. A sharp chord sounds in my brain as I note these markings of hardships and struggles. (continue reading →)
Posted in: In the Scheme of Things, Life |
Tagged: gratitude, In the scheme of things; pause, Inverewe Gardens, life; memories, Loch Ewe, notice; breathe; moments; Nan S Russell; Scotland |
Posted on March 18, 2019
By Nan Russell
“I don’t know,” a young acquaintance mused. “I’m thinking about grad school, but it’s more work than I thought to prepare for the GREs. Then, if I do all that and don’t get into the program I want, it’s a waste of time. Plus, did you know it could cost more than $40,000 to get a masters degree? I don’t want that kind of debt, plus I’ll likely never make it up in a starting salary.”
By the end of answering my question about his post gap-year plans, this young man described several options he was pondering for his future. Woven into the threads of indecision and idealism were limiting beliefs:. It’s “too hard.” It’ll take “too long.” It costs “too much.” He had yet to discover who he was doing the work for.
He’s right. Getting the work you want, creating your future, developing your skills can be hard, take time, and cost money. But it isn’t a generational issue; it’s a life-potential issue. No matter our age, we can hold similar self-limiting beliefs.
When we think we work for other people instead of working for ourselves, we’re less likely to (continue reading →)
Posted in: Winning at Working |
Tagged: boss, career, create your future, development, Nan Russell, personal growth, success, victim thinking, who do you work for; limiting belief, who you work for, Winning at Working |
Posted on March 12, 2019
By Nan Russell
Some of us started 2019 with a fresh-start mindset. We made New Year’s resolutions with well-intentioned, often passionate, decisions to change or improve something in ourselves or our lives. At this point, 25% of us are still working on our New Year goals, and by year’s end, only 8% will achieve what they set out to accomplish with their resolutions.
I won’t be one of them. I gave up New Year’s resolutions a decade or two ago, not because I don’t want to improve or change, but because I’ve learned making my goals, dreams, and aspirations happen isn’t a once-a-year thing. For me, a fresh start can be any time of year. There’s power in that.
You can start anew toward life dreams, aspirational goals, unsolved problems, or relationship building anytime. The reality is we don’t need a new year to regroup, start fresh, or begin again. We can ignite these resolutions and aspirations any day we choose.
It was Walt Disney who influenced my life early on in that regard. Maybe because when I was (continue reading →)
Posted in: Hitting Your Stride, In the Scheme of Things, Life |
Tagged: acting, choices, determiintion, Doing, focus, goals, hard work, hoping, In the Scheme of Things, life dreams, Nan S. Russell, New Year's Resolutions, passion, persistence, practice, resolutions, results, wishing |
Seated at the table next to me at a fast food restaurant, I couldn’t help hearing the lack of conversation between a young woman and a younger uniformed man, clearly employees of the establishment. “You need to take pride in your work,” she told him. There was no response.
